cartoon of young boy and girl. Boy demonstrating selfishness and is not sharing toys with girl who is crying

Healthy Selfishness?


“When you love yourself,  you are empowered to love others” – Bryant McGill


Well, 2024 is in full-swing and the holidays seem like a distant memory already.   Do you still remember what your New Year’s resolution was?  If so, how much progress have you made so far?

Coach’s Time for Reflection

Personally, I have had a challenging, character-building month so far!  It’s been filled with ups and downs that I could never have anticipated.  As I write this on a very cold wintry day,  I am spending a day in quiet reflection and doing a “re-boot”.  Just as I have written about in previous messages, life is super busy and it can be easy to let our resolutions fall by the wayside.  I cannot help but wonder how other people are doing with their resolutions. 

Healthy Selfishness?

In recent posts, I have shared various methods for goal-setting.   Perhaps, a key ingredient – “healthy selfishness” – was missing from those posts.   Since practicing what some might call “healthy selfishness” is necessary to succeed in life, I would like to contemplate it now.

Growing up, we are taught that selfishness is bad and selflessness is good.   We are told to share our toys but never seem to get the message about taking care of ourselves.  Some degree of “healthy selfishness” benefits everyone involved. Healthy selfishness includes the ability to focus on your own health, needs, and interests.  As a result of taking care of what matters most to you, you also expand your capacity to be available to others.

Boundaries & Self-Care

Such selfishness refers to the ability to set healthy boundaries, prioritize your own needs, and practice self-care, even if it means that you sometimes disappoint other people.   Some ways of incorporating healthy selfishness into your life might include the following: blocking out a certain time of day to pray, read, meditate, or workout and being unavailable to others during this time; declining an invitation to an event you would prefer not to attend; turning your phone off and not accepting late night phone calls; respecting yourself enough to not allow others to take advantage of you.


Keep in mind that healthy selfishness can have some potential “pitfalls”.  If you are not used to setting boundaries, those around you might take offense especially when you first start making adjustments.  It is possible that you will lose so-called friends – people who are likely taking advantage of you anyway.  It’s important to be mindful about how you go about setting healthy boundaries.  Be transparent about your intentions and needs.  True friends will respect and honor your decision to take excellent care of yourself and those closest to you.

Loving Yourself & Others

As you can see, being “selfish” to some degree helps you to set healthy boundaries, maintain equilibrium, and move toward your goals.  It is self-preserving in a world filled with endless distractions.  Please understand I am not espousing selfishness and self-interest without regard for others.  Rather, I am suggesting a healthy balance between self-preservation and not prioritizing your personal interests at the expense of others.  “When you love yourself, you are empowered to love others”  (Bryant McGill).

Creating the Right Formula to Reach Goals

Coaching can provide the guidance, support, and accountability necessary to stay focused and achieve your goals as efficiently as possible.  I would be happy to accompany you on your journey to reach personal excellence.  If you are ready to get started, please Schedule a Strategy Session here.

Let’s create the right formula for you!

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